


Deadpool Writes Fanfic

by AkiBlossom



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Metafiction, Parody, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27833962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiBlossom/pseuds/AkiBlossom
Summary: Deadpool writes fanfic. Because the summary told him to.Parker is also there and they have a very meta-discussion about the nature of fiction and whatnot.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Kudos: 3





	Deadpool Writes Fanfic

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a creative school project if you would believe it.  
> (Notes below are for the class, for any causal readers, ignore.)
> 
> It's set in the comics rather than the movies, hence Wade's inner voices and the comic references. Timeline wise doesn't really matter, likely before Secret Wars and whatnot. As Deadpool would say, the canon is complicated.  
> The work is a parody and I wanted to draw a parallel at how modern superhero comic writing is most often fanfiction of sort, the only difference being that it was "approved". I also wanted to examine just a bit the reality of their world, that our world's bleakest realities are untouchable less they become "lessened" in being depicted in a superhero comic. The real tragedic events I mention here have been subjects in comics, but the heroes are powerless. If they are powerless just as they are in our world, then what is their merit? The merit of superheroes and fanfiction is that both are escapes, a laugh needed in hard times, but they are also inspiring in rare cases. I know I have been inspired by fanfiction in the past to help deal with my own issues, just as superheroes have inspired real people going through hard times. Comics have made mistakes just as all fiction has in depicting tragedy and other real things, and I wanted that to be contextualized in the broader scope that things are messy. When can you depict real people fictional? What's true to the character? Of course, I also have a lot of fun poking fun at fanfiction which I hope it's clear that I love. It's unfiltered, for good and ill.

In a dark world with no hope. Where crime is rampant, supervillains threaten the world daily, and civilians cower in fear, on this fateful night, one hero will write… fanfiction?

“Is this really the best use of our time?” Asked the serious voice in Wade’s mind.

“Shut it! I’m trying to think here. These creative juices need no distractions.” yelled Wade aloud. Wade was Deadpool and this was Deadpool’s apartment. It looked like it was made in the 1980s and hasn’t changed since then. Popular culture memorabilia like a second edition Darth Vader and the Ghost Prison #2 comic and the first run of My Little Pony dolls-

“They’re collectables miss writer!” shouted Wade.

Collectables were mixed among garbage, guns, and other unmentionables littering the decaying floor.

“Hey, I got it cheap from a drug cartel that had the place. By cheap, I mean free because I murder the goons and their bosses think they still own the place.”

The bullet holes were “hidden” by a portrait of The Golden Girls, while the bloodstains had paint covering it, with the wrong colour. Wade himself sat at a 1998 SE PC, fully adorned in his costume save for most of his weapons. Fingers hovered over the yellowed keyboard, which was missing both its F and U keys. 

“Oh, what about, “it was a dark and stormy night…” it’s classic,” the voice asked again.

“This isn’t some Shakespeare crap, talk about someone’s penis!” Said a silly voice in his head.

“Are you aware that Shakespeare in fact had many sexual innuendoes and was actually quite crass at times?”

“AHHH, I said shut it inner voices!” yelled Wade again.

“Having head voice problems again?” said a friendly voice from his window. Hanging upside down out the window was Spider-Man, wearing his classic red and blue suit.

“Because that description really narrows down which suit he’s wearing.” the serious voice said.

“Ooo, she’s trying to write sarcasm in written form!” the silly one commented.

“Yeah, I thought they were retconned but they’re back and they’re distracting me from doing my work,” Wade said.

“What are you working on?”

“A fanfic.”

“Why?” 

“Because the summary said so.”

“God, this writer is so lazy.” said the silly voice.

“She thinks she all so very clever in deploying the meta-awareness of Deadpool against us. We have to obey what the author wants in the end, we’re just more aware of it compared to other fictional characters.” the serious one explained.

“Well, I’m going to ignore your quote on quote “fourth wall breaking” and just assume it’s important. What are you having trouble with?” Parker at this point had let himself into the apartment, relaxing on Wade’s half of a couch, the other half having been destroyed long ago. 

“Everything! I can’t figure out where to start.” Wade said.

“I’m surprised you’re not just writing a bunch of penis jokes and violence.”

“Well I would, but the writer has restrictions on what she can write. Has to have some “deeper” meaning on how it relates to superheroes or challenge/fix an issue they have. It’s fanfiction for crying out loud, the land of angsty smut, terrible English, and horrifying ships!”

“I mean it’s not too hard to believe that fanfiction could have some merit.”

“Say what now?”

“Well, at the end of the day, most stories are reimaginings or contextualizations of older stories or tropes. Think of the Hero’s journey and whatnot. And that’s leaving out just how much of modern-day entertainment is reboots, remakes, sequels, prequels, and adaptations. Fanfiction isn’t original but hardly is our other media.”

“I thought you’re were a science guy.”

“I had to take some English and cultural studies courses at University as electives. Plus Youtube.”

“Wow, what plot convenience!” commented the silly voice.

“Ok, the modern media lacking originality is hardly a new thing. Even I know that. But fanfiction is literally deprived of anything original!” noted Wade.

“Does that make it less enjoyable?” countered Peter.

“What? Of course, it’s predictable and boring. Take the main villain and hero, throw in some extra angst, write 50 chapters of recap then have them ducked…. Where the funk is my swearing? Oh no, are you funding censoring me writer! Not even Disney dare does that!”

“I mean, aren’t you helping someone write an academic paper? Can’t really write swears in that then.”

“DAMN YOU! Damn you to fudging hell! I hope you and your terrible OCs die horrible deaths and Twitter cancels you.”

“Do fanfic authors even have a presence on Twitter to get cancelled?”

“Let’s get this over with. I rather avoid being in this purgatory any longer. Where was I? Oh yeah, fanfiction is shit and everyone knows it.”

“May I ask what’s the difference between fanfiction and say those Darth Vader comics you have?”

“What? Well, they’re canon for one thing, or used to be until Disney retconned them out of existence.” 

“So they’re not canon?”

“Well no, but they are official.”

“Did George Lucas write them?”

“Thank god no. Some random guy likely.”

“So how is that any different from fanfiction?”

“Well, it was approved.”

“By who?”

“By a bunch of random upper management probably.” Deadpool sunk into his tattered leather chair, defeated. 

“So the only difference between normal fiction and fanfiction that it’s filtered by the approval of a company who holds the rights.”

“That and I don’t see Disney is planning on publishing a fake love story between Hugh Jackman and Ryan Renolds like these fanfic writers have done for us.”

“Wait, there’s a fanfic about us?” Peter stood up at this point, walking over to Wade’s to see the proof with his own eyes.

“Yup, on everyone it seems. Wolverine, Cable, Thor, even some guy named 3-D Man. It’s not just superheroes, there are other real people on here that include such terrible ships as Trump/Obama or Oprah/ bin Linden! I wondered if Oprah wins him over with a free car,”

“That’s terrible, these are real people. It’s just weird.”

“Oh like Shakespeare In Love!”

“What?”

“You know, that Oscar-winning movie about a fictional romance between Shakespeare and some noble. Made me uncomfortable, how dare they portray the Bard in such a way, made me furious!”

“Well, that’s different, Shakespeare’s dead.”

“So it’s ok to disrespect the dead?”

“Wade, you love disrespecting people.” Parker at this point made his way back to the half-couch, siting on it cross legged.

“I’m offended, Death and I have a special relationship you know and that means only I’m allowed to disrespect the dead.”

“I thought you said that you two broke up or “it was retconned” to use your words.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeesh, ain’t that the statement of my life. Clones, alternative dimensions, resurrections. It feels endless. In the end, death doesn’t mean much to us I guess.”

“Save for anyone that dies usually in regular people conflicts or disasters. Those are too real.”

“What do you mean? Lots of people have died in our lives who didn’t have powers.”

“Yeah, and how many of those people have come back to life in some form over the years?”

“Touche”

“And how many people who died at 9/11, or the Holocaust have come back? Hell, just one or two flying heroes would have saved the day at 9/11. World War II had plenty of upstanding superheroes, one or two of them should have liberated some camps earlier in the war. But they didn’t, we didn’t, we were powerless in the face of tragedy, it was “too real” to stop.”

“Wade, are you ok?”

“You know what they say, comedians are the saddest people sometimes.”

“But… we’re not powerless.”

“Say what?”

“Sure, for some reason Mr. Fantastic hasn’t been able to cure cancer and crime doesn’t disappear despite how many of us are working, but we sure as heck inspire people. I… was visiting the local children’s hospital just before I came here. Just wanted to distract myself after with you for a bit. It was important and I would go again. Those kids needed a hero in these dark times. And after I needed a laugh.”

“Yeah, I hear you there buddy. I know I had a few conversations with people about mental health and even hopefully prevented a suicide, I hope it has real merit somewhere. Man, this conversation got too real for my liking. So how about a few more laughs then friend? You and I are a popular ship on this site it turns out.”

“Really? Like we’re friends, but people want to see us kiss?”

“And so so much more I cannot say in a 13+ age rating. People enjoy smut.”

“People enjoy watching us of all people make out?”

“Hey, it’s better than watching Loki emotionally abuse someone and make Fifty Shades look like a healthy relationship.”

“Ew, that’s just, no… Still, it’s not very us to know to be this “smutty”

“Speak for yourself, and besides it’s not really us, it’s a version of our celebrity identity. Besides, being in character thing to aim for is kinda weird when we have changed so much over the years, let alone how many of us there are in the multiverse. Remember when there was a clone of you that wore that jacket?”

“We do not talk about the 90s Wade, I thought we agreed about this?”

“Fine, but yeah, some of it’s surprisingly entertaining. People are writing full fricking novels on here.”

“Are you enjoying fanfic, Wade?”

“You know it’s not a high bar to entertain me.”

“Right, you did call Cats best movie of the year.”

“Century, get it right. This stuff’s not even the most outlandish stuff we've done, definitely better than One More Day!”

“What’s that?”

“Better you don’t know.”

“So how goes the writing?”

“Oh, it’s almost done. Turns out it’s easy to fill up over 1500 words with two chatterboxes.”

“Nice.”

“And what did we learn today Parker?”

“That the line between fiction, reality, and fan works are blurry and as long we find merit in it, it holds value?”

“That a dumbass student writer who procrastinates too much thinks they can cover up bad writing by adding meta humour and regurgitating the stuff that was covered in the class. Give them a good F professor!”

“That seems a little harsh doesn’t it?”

“Oh get over here Parker and kiss me!”

And thus they made out, smuttily.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was something I wrote.


End file.
